Last updated on November 21st, 2020

Are you experiencing “zoom fatigue”?

Nine months into this pandemic, we have all developed skills at connecting virtually through platforms like Zoom, Teams, FaceTime, and the like. Learning to connect virtually is a good thing because otherwise, we would all be a lot more stressed and unhappy.

You see, social interaction is as much a biological requirement as are eating, drinking, and sleeping. So while “social distancing” reduces transmission of the coronavirus, which is good for us, research shows that it also increases anxiety, frustration, and loneliness, which is bad for us.

A new survey on the psychological impact of previous quarantines after epidemics (like SARS, MERS, Ebola) found that people became fearful, abused substances more, and lost critical social and emotional skills.

The point is that we are wired for connection.

Connections in the Virtual World Just Aren’t The Same

So the virtual world, which has become increasingly important over the past 10-15 years, has suddenly become critical for building and maintaining social connection. Virtual connection IS what is possible right now, so we must figure out how to get the most from it to meet our biological, personal, social, and business needs.

Yet, our brains don’t activate the same way in a virtual setting as in an in-person setting. Touching, following the direction of each other’s gaze, and mirroring each other’s gestures are missing from most virtual exchanges.

So how do we build an authentic connection virtually anyway? How can we feel seen, heard, and cared for as we pivot to virtual platforms? How can we feel that connection virtually during this pandemic when we need connection more than ever but we may all be feeling a bit “zoomed out”?

Over the last nine months, I have been trying to learn how to make a genuine connection with people virtually the way I know I can when I’m in person.  I set out to pay attention to what helped me feel connected in virtual meetings and presentations.

Here’s what I have discovered so far.

My Six Key Strategies to Feel Authentic Connection Virtually

Tip #1: Hide or minimize your self-view in virtual platforms

When you meet with people at work or even at a party, you don’t watch yourself interact with others. Similarly, quarterbacks don’t watch themselves on the jumbotron while they try to make the touchdown! Divers don’t watch themselves while they are diving. Minimize or hide your self-view so that you’re focused on others, rather than making it a performance. Check out your hair or your outfit at the outset, then hide your video of yourself.

Tip #2: Turn on your camera

Don’t just be a name in a box or a static picture. While you don’t want to watch yourself, others must be able to see you to create optimal conditions for “psychological safety.” Seeing your video enables others to pay attention to the available non-verbal behavior, such as smiling or frowning. Whenever possible, turn your camera on. Also, don’t just look at the green dot (where the camera is), but look at people individually. It will make you FEEL more connected, and you will come across more genuinely.

Tip #3: Be vulnerable

People will feel more connected when you reveal yourself to be human, so it’s okay if a child or your cat or dog occasionally wanders into the scene. Especially if you are a manager, share something more personal about yourself. When you are more open and transparent, it helps others feel safe enough to share how they may be REALLY doing, which enhances connection in virtual platforms and helps minimize negative impacts of the pandemic isolation we are all experiencing.

Tip #4: Turn off other media and shut other windows

Humans are not good at multitasking, no matter how we think we may be the exception to this rule. Focus on the conversation at hand. If you have to be temporarily distracted, turn your camera off briefly. Put in the chat that you have to take a call, for instance, and then come back FULLY to the meeting. People watching can feel it when you are fully present.

Tip #5: Take breaks between meetings whenever possible

(Managers, please take note here.) Virtual meetings ARE more exhausting. We are all becoming “zoombies.” The asynchronous ways that the camera and sound work involve micro-delays that make our brains work harder. We also must pay closer attention because of the two-dimensional way information is conveyed to us. With more frequent breaks, we will all be more engaged, come across with greater authenticity, and feel more connected when we are not in back-to-back virtual meetings.

Tip #6: Try to have some fun and relax

(Managers take note here, too, please.) When we have fun, neuroscientists tell us that our brains release oxytocin, which is essential for empathy, caring, connection, and openness to learning and taking in information. When your brain produces oxytocin, so do the brains of others, even in a virtual format. What can you do to bring some levity and fun to virtual interaction, even at work?

There is no sign that we will be going back to in-person meetings anytime soon. And many of us (myself included) will be having Thanksgiving zooms instead of in-person visits this year. So connecting authentically in the virtual world is going to continue to be more critical than ever. Reach out and let me know how it is going for you, and if you have any tips that you have found helpful!