Last updated on February 14th, 2023
Workplace psychologist Dr. Chris Allen helps organizations and leaders develop the “people” side of the business. As a Forbes Coaches Council contributor, Dr. Allen offers regular insights on topics such as changing organizational culture, aligning cultural values and team building in Forbes.com articles and offers quick advice via the Forbes Q/A feature.
Read this article on Forbes here: “What Kind of Team Member Are You?”
One of the first teams I coached was a leadership team in which team members badmouthed each other to their direct reports. There were screaming matches in senior team meetings that the boss failed to curtail. At best, people on that team were sarcastic to one another, claiming they were just kidding. They were also highly passive aggressive, agreeing at the meeting to a decision then deliberately ignoring it and waiting to see it fail spectacularly so they could gloat about it. Quite frankly, the team members’ behaviors were terrible, resulting in many of its members leaving the company.
Teams are essential to achieving goals in organizations, whether they be for-profit companies, family businesses, not-for-profits or volunteer organizations. High-performing teams are of incredibly high value but are hard to create and sustain: the proverbial “simple but not easy.” While many of us are leaders of teams, most of us are members of more teams than we lead, and it is up to everyone on the team to help to create the team we want.
Let’s start with the what-not-to-do list — it’s always easier to think of the “no-no’s.” If you are like me, you have been on one or two genuinely dysfunctional teams in your career. And like me, you probably have some stories to tell. While we don’t want to dwell on the negative, it can be helpful to remember what not to do.
1. Don’t volunteer for responsibilities and then fail to get them done. Such behavior drags down the success of the team and frustrates your teammates. Think before you speak up and don’t offer to do something unless you will fully deliver. And even worse, don’t forget what you agreed to! That is sure to cause resentment and undermine team success.
2. Don’t repeatedly miss meetings while everyone else shows up. It’s too much trouble to catch you up on what you missed, and you will make everyone else work twice as hard. If, for some reason, you can’t make a meeting, give plenty of notice. Find out what is the best way for the team to catch you up. It is your responsibility to reach out and find out what you missed.
3. Don’t monopolize. Offer your thoughts succinctly and encourage others to offer their thoughts before you offer yours again. Frequently, people will not confront you in the meeting, but they will resent you and may not fully listen to your ideas, even when they are brilliant, because you don’t make enough space for others.
4. Don’t take phone calls or check email during meetings. It is disrespectful and distracting. Plus, there is no way you can fully pay attention to what is happening and make a contribution.
5. Don’t avoid conflict. If you disagree with someone, it’s important that you respectfully share your point of view. Healthy conflict allows teams to innovate, create and find success, through thoroughly debating ideas.
6. On the other hand, if you disagree, don’t make it personal, take it personally, raise your voice or use sarcasm. Manage your own fight or flight response during tense moments, so that you have conversations that create shared meaning, rather than shut others down.
So what’s on the to-do list for team members? How can you help to create a successful team? A new book by Daniel Coyle, The Culture Code: The Secret to Highly Successful Groups, offers us some clues. Coyle says that we need to build safety, share vulnerability and establish common purpose. So, concretely, what does this look like for an individual team member?
1. To help build psychological safety, show that you care about others. Make eye contact when speaking. Thank people for their ideas and contributions. Acknowledge other team members’ good ideas. Ask others about themselves outside of work — about their family, kids or interests. Be interested in the answer. When you get constructive feedback about your behavior, appreciate it and don’t shoot the messenger. Acknowledge your mistakes directly. Help to create a sense of “we”.
2. Building group vulnerability takes time and practice. Some examples include supporting another team member or the leader when they are vulnerable in some way. Lean in and acknowledge this, and follow up by taking a risk yourself. For example, if someone says that an idea they had did not pan out, ask questions to help highlight what happened and what can be learned without being critical or negative. Listening actively to what others are saying is key, such as “tell me more about that.” Be direct but not personal when giving feedback. Most importantly, learn to embrace discomfort. Although being vulnerable or witnessing vulnerability is uncomfortable, it helps a team or even a relationship become stronger, whereas avoiding vulnerability creates distance and reinforces defensiveness.
3. Finally, establish a common purpose. What are we all here for? What are we trying to achieve together? How will we know that we have succeeded? Help your team get super clear on its priorities by asking questions of the team and the leader when needed, such as “Where are we headed? What are we trying to accomplish?” Help your team develop a catchphrase that captures what it is trying to do (e.g., Zappos’ “Create fun and a little weirdness” or Apple’s “Think differently”).
We all co-create our relationships, marriages and teams. To paraphrase the famous quote by Gandhi, “Be the team member you want to see in the world.” By becoming a better team member, you participate in co-creating a team you will be happy and proud to be a part of and one that can indeed accomplish great things.
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