Last updated on January 26th, 2024

We were not surprised when the Journal of Health and Social Behavior reported that women feel guiltier than men when work responsibilities – for example, answering work emails – get done at home. Even today, women assume the lion’s share of home responsibilities – and juggle multiple conflicting demands. Yet, women consistently struggle with undeserved and unnecessary guilt.

Guilt gets in the way of our career goals – and the happiness and well-being of both ourselves and our families.

Here are our top tips to help you lose that unearned guilt

• Tip #1 – Determine your priorities. It can be difficult to determine your priorities when you are constantly juggling multiple demands. Sit down and take a few minutes to think about what is most important to you and your family.  What you choose to focus on at home should reflect your core values – and only you really know what matters in your life. Once you have identified them, you can start to make decisions about how to spend your time and energy in a way that aligns with your values. Also, when you know what your priorities are, you can more easily and effectively learn how to say “no” to requests or demands that do not align with your priorities. For instance, you can say, “I really wish I could help you with that but I don’t have the bandwidth right now.” Learning to set boundaries is fundamental to effective self-care.
• Tip #2 – Lose the “Super Woman” fantasy. Unfortunately, none of us have superpowers. You can’t do it all – with “super” speed. And you can’t fly … unfortunately. Thinking yourself a failure for not doing it all only brings negativity into your career – and your home life. These negative emotions are potentially more harmful to your kids and relationships than the spillover from work to home. Many of us as women have an unrealistic wish that we COULD make everyone else happy instead of seeing this desire as essentially unrealistic as wishing we could fly. Accepting that this is not possible and not our job can go a long way to reducing false and unnecessary guilt.
• Tip #3 – Tinker with your home routines. When a routine does not reflect your core values, rethink – and restructure – that routine. If more together time with your family is on your priority list, for example, try a twenty-minute scheduled  “no tech” break. And let conversation replace texting and cellphone chats. Family meals don’t have to involve more than a take-out pizza. It’s the together time that matters to you. Another example would be to designate reading email at home to specific times of the day only. So perhaps you check once after dinner but then allow yourself time to unwind and relax or spend quality time with the kids.

Adding to the guilt are negative comments from others. Here are bonus tips for handling negative comments

• Bonus Tip #1 – Remember You Are Not Alone. Many working mothers struggle with comments they perceive as negative coming from others. Remind yourself that you are not alone and you aren’t doing anything wrong.
• Bonus Tip #2 – Don’t take comments from others personally. Negative comments often reflect the other person’s insecurities or biases. They are not a reflection of your worth as a mother.
• Bonus Tip #3 – Focus on the positive. Keep the things you are good at and are proud of “front and center” in your mind. When you hear other women criticize themselves, encourage them to be self-compassionate (e.g., “No one can do it all…”).

Don’t lose sight of the fact that you are a strong and capable woman – and when you stop and put the big picture in focus – you are doing a great job.  In fact, you likely are a super woman and super mom. Super does not mean PERFECT!!.